Why I dread the first day of school.

As I sit down for the first time today I feel accomplished.   The lunches are packed.  The backpack is filled the very long list of school supplies and the first day of school outfit is laid out next to the fancy new pair of tennis shoes.    I should feel ecstatic but I don't.  I feel sad, anxious and uneasy.    I've hesitated about posting this but can't help but feel that there is someone out there that feels the same way that I do.  

I dread the first day of school.

I loathe the term "special needs" but I guess there is no other way to say it than I am the mom of a special needs child.   Special meaning he isn't like a lot of the other kids in his class and needs because he needs a lot of extra love and patience.  Here is why I loathe school:

* Most likely my son won't come home with the leadership award or whatever it is called, rather we will have a year of think sheets to wallpaper our house with.

* The color system is the death of me and while most celebrate the green days, we celebrate the yellow days.

* While your child is playing and interacting with other kids, my son is either playing by himself or walking laps around the playground to make up for the out of turn talking, impulsivity, etc.

And my list can go on.   I sit in tears, anxiously anticipating another year like the last and all I can do is pray.  Pray that we have a teacher that understands my son for who he is and with what he struggles with.  A teacher that will realize that ADHD isn't a discipline issue, rather than it is a disorder that my son has no control over.  Pray that this will be the year that my son "fits in" and makes friends.    Pray that this year will be filled with celebrations and successes.  

Pray that this will be his year to shine.    

And if you get a chance, say some extra prayers for that sweet boy of mine.