NOTHING can prepare you for this cRaZy roller coaster.
Nothing.
Here goes…
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A FOSTER PARENT:
1. I could never do it. I get too attached.
What we think when you say this: So, I apparently at some point in our lifetime have come across to you as a heartless, cold person who takes kids in for the fun of it and ships them out the minute they can go home without a tear in my eye. You apparently think it is all about the money for me.
2. You know that when "johnny" goes home, you are going to be heartbroken.
My thoughts: The thought of loving on a child for several months like they were one of my own, having them treat me like I am their own mother, and then having to give them back, knowing I will probably never see them again, hadn't occurred to me as being painful. Yes I know this is painful! Are you kidding me? I didn't sign up for foster parenting to be blessed, rather than to bless. I pray daily for this child and cry at the thought of saying goodbye to them.
3. Oh "johnny" will be so much better off when they get to return home to their bio family. I hate it that they are having to be in foster care.
Where do I go with this? Yes, this really did happen to me on more than one occasion.
My thoughts: Wow! Just wow! Honestly, it always makes me speechless and then as I drive off I think to myself "Johnny is thriving. Johnny is healthy and growing. I've given my life for this child, just as I have done for my own biological child. I've done nothing but love on this little one and it shows. Those close to us comment all of the time about how well Johnny looks and how Johnny is growing". Are we not aiming towards reunification some day? Absolutely! But don't discount the love, emotions and time that I have poured into taking care of this little one like they were my own.
4. You get paid to do this right?
Thoughts: After the laughing subsides………Rumor is that yes, we get a monthly maintenance fee. Have we seen that fee yet? Not really. And I'm pretty sure it isn't much that we get paid. Again, didn't sign up for this for the money, it's about sharing the blessings with another child.
5. So do you know how long you are going to have Johnny?
Me: Not a clue. Nadda, no, nein, no way, no how, not even the simplest idea.
6. So why is Johnny in foster care? If you can't say I understand and promise to not say anything.
Me: Hmm, triple dog promise? Just kidding! No I can't tell you about the case nor do I want to talk about Johnny's case. My goal is to love and provide a home for Johnny for the time he is in my care and not focus on why he is in my care to start with.
7. Are you going to get to adopt Johnny?
Me: see #5
I know there is more than this and honestly if I wasn't so sleep deprived and exhausted from the countless visits, dr. appointments and just life in general I'm sure I could think up a whole book of things to never say to a foster parent. As a foster parent, this is what we need to hear from you:
* You can do this! While it won't be easy, God is in control and will get you through this journey.
* This child is blessed to have you.
That's it. We just need to be encouraged. It's okay if you walk away thinking we are crazy because quite honestly, we probably are. But encourage us. Cheer us on and remind us that we were brought to this adventure for a reason. That's all we ask. :)
And forgive me for the grammatical errors. Again, exhaustion is the new form of breathing around here.
