It's not about the discipline.

 From the day I found out I was pregnant with my little Isaac I knew there was something special about him.    The next 34 weeks were filled with dr. appts watching the dr. "chase" him down with the doppler to catch his heartbeat, the ultrasound techs giggling because he was fiddling with his hands or moving so much we couldn't catch a glimpse of his sweet face, to the nights where I laid in bed exhausted and crying because the creature growing in my belly was moving so much, Dave could feel his movement lying in bed next to me.   I knew my little boy was ALL boy!  

We had our share of bumps and bruises.  We celebrated birthdays and milestones.   We just assumed that since our 3 year old was still not sleeping through the night, that most 3 year olds didn't sleep through the night.    Who needs sleep anyways?   It wasn't until Isaac turned 4 that I began to notice some things.   After a lot of observations, much research, late nights talking to friends, and countless dr. appointments we discovered something about our little boy…………

he has ADHD.    We actually found out about 16 months ago but tonight is the first time that I've found the strength to share this.    My reason to share it is not to win your approval, to make you feel sorry for us or for my little boy but to help educate you as I educate myself.   I'm tired of being judged.  I'm tired of my son being judged.    I'm tired of hearing that "with just a little more discipline you can fix him."   Believe me, I've researched diets, medication, vitamins, essential oils, discipline….I've read the books and I'm pretty sure if James Dobson met my son, he would have to rewrite The Strong Willed Child.    I've literally exhausted myself searching for the perfect cure, the perfect treatment.   I've cried, I've been mad at God, angry, upset, you name it.   I've downplayed it, I've doubted, I've questioned the doctor's, I've felt it all.   But the fact is, my son has something extra amazing about him….he has the mind of a race car and the energy level of a Cardinals World Series game!  He makes the energizer bunny look lazy.   But I love that about him!

 I've longed to fix Isaac until this summer I realized that Isaac was fixing me.   Little did he know he was teaching me that schedules are not as important as I think they are….being 15 minutes early to everything isn't going to solve life's problems….he has taught me patience, he has taught me love, he has taught me kindness, gentleness and self control.   He has made me a better person, a better teacher, a better friend. He has taught me to slow down and listen, to not judge others (especially other parents whose kids I would have previously deemed as "brats" and in need of some more discipline..just being honest!).

Does it hurt to watch Isaac struggle through things that should be easy for most kids?  Absolutely.    Do we still have those moments where he curls up in my lap and cries because he just can't quite figure out why things have to be so hard for him…you bet BUT WE ARE BLESSED.  We are.    And I have no doubt in my mind that God has HUGE plans for Isaac.  I know it and I've listened to my dad say it for years.   There is something very special about this little guy that God is molding and shaping and I am so blessed to be a part of.   We have nothing to be sorry about.

I'm not ashamed of my son.  I never have and I never will be.  He may not be that child that can sit quietly through church (yes that would be us in the back pew), or the child that is holding onto the grocery cart walking calmly through the store (again, I apologize to anyone we may or may not have accidentally crashed our cart into), but he is pretty amazing to me.   He has the heart of a giant, a laugh that is contagious, he has an overabundance of hugs and hurts when those close to him are hurting.   He is pretty terrific if you ask me and he has made me a much better person.

I am positively blessed.